Love and intimacy

What we desire the most, we also fear the most…

Society teaches us that we grow up, meet “the one” (some call this the “twin flame”) and then we live happily ever after, or at least committed in relationship till death.

I’m calling bullshit.
What statistics show in America are this:
First Marriages:     45% to 50% marriages end in divorce
Second Marriages:    60% to 67% marriages end in divorce
Third Marriages:    70% to 73% marriages end in divorce
(Statistics credit to divorce statistics.org)
This is not happily ever after, NOR is it committed in relationship till death. Far from it. It is hell on earth in most cases.

“That asshole cheated on me” or “That bitch slept with my BEST friend!”

The turmoil that accompanies marriage is so vast, and this article is not an attempt to list the variables of this turmoil.

With that point made, however, what is the answer?
Well, an in-depth examination of love has convinced this author that what society programming presents as love is the OPPOSITE of what love really is.

Let’s examine what I believe love REALLY is:

Love is allowance, and love is the absence of judgment.
Love is the desire for increased intimacy with whatever object or being.
Love is without fear
Love is without hate.
Love is without control.
Love is without ownership.
Love is without demand for a specific outcome.
Love is without harm to any party.

In the above scenario, love is the desire for intimacy. Intimacy is the connection past the point of vulnerability. For intimacy to occur, vulnerability must be met without judgement, control, manipulation, or any other force that isn’t love.

And the irony is that we want intimacy, we indeed LOVE, many that we come in contact with throughout the day. That one at the bank that always gives that special smile and really acts interested, or the one at work that you felt this irresistible attraction to…

What happens at this point is that fear anchoring takes over most often. “But she’s married…” or “But what if my husband finds out?” These fear programmed blocks do their job most of the time, and keep us from connecting intimately with others which clearly attract us.
We want it, but we are afraid of losing something, or afraid of their reaction, or their situation, or afraid of societal judgment, jealousy… and on, and on…

What we want the most, scares us the most. This is not natural. This is PROGRAMMED fear. Love harms none. Love is addition and multiplication, never subtraction or division.

To be continued…

The Mantra of Love continues…

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