WHAT? Have sex without having an orgasm????

Why in the hell would ANYONE want to have sex that is not orgasm oriented, you ask? Well, the reasons will surprise, and hopefully invite you into my world.

Most standard sex scenarios (including masturbation) are, in fact, orgasm oriented. The porn video industry and it’s offerings are deemed incomplete without the “money shot”, which is some form of a male ejaculation onto the female anatomy. The entirety of society, when referring to sex is usually inclusive of the orgasmic experience.

But once you consider it… when you hear from one who’s been there, and has the most incredible results to share from another approach, then you can at least give it some thought, and try it out to see how well it can work for you.

I always engaged in standard “Orgasm Oriented” sex, until this past year. I had, for 18 years prolonged my orgasm (Tantric) until I had given a partner their fill of orgasm, no matter how many that needed to be.  Yet, at the time they reached their fulfillment of sex, I would always release orgasm (ejaculate) at the end, and the energy drain would go with it, and I would be disinterested in sex for another day or two. (Libido crash)

Then Kalo started read about the Taoist sexual method of withholding, and we gave this method it’s due effort. To say we were impressed was an understatement. What resulted from changing our thoughts and practices has turned our world into a constant bliss. This type of sex: “Pleasure Oriented” sex, is Non-orgasmic oriented.

HERE’S THE DIFFERENCE

The gist of Orgasm Oriented sex is that there is an end point in sight, and both parties work to get to that end point. The gist of Pleasure Oriented, or non-orgasm oriented sex is that the journey is ecstatic, the distraction of having to reach an “point” (or bring your partner to an end point) is removed, pleasure is the only goal, and the fun keeps going and going and going! (This works exceptionally well for people who, for whatever reason, simply cannot orgasm.)

To put it bluntly, instead of worrying about “I need to get to a point of (her or my) orgasm, I get to focus on how well I am making her eyes roll back in her head, how much I’m rocking her world, and if she goes, she goes. (Kalo holds back from orgasm to a degree, as is described below.) My only goal is her pleasure, which reciprocally, makes me feel like I am the fucking man! Pleasing her sexually, pleases me. There’s no way to separate out the two.

We would (and still do occasionally, when time permits) engage in Pleasure Oriented sex three times daily, for about 2 hours of intercourse each time, for a total of about 6 hours a day of sex. Granted, this wasn’t every day. There would be one of these “marathon” days about once a week, and we still have those, although it’s down to about 4 hours currently. (Hey, we have 5 children, cut us some slack…)

Regardless, this greatly improved our ABILITY to have enjoyable sex more frequently and with the same amount of energy as each prior session! Without releasing the (male) orgasm, I was able to re-engage immediately, and often – the time between sessions is merely a meal break or an “OMG” reflective walk about, before going at it again.

(For those wondering, the Taoist method of “injaculation” is something I incorporate, and it’s almost like an orgasm, but without the release. It involves clamping down on a muscle point, or doing a pressure point block to stop the flow of ejaculate, and breathing (blissfully) through the sensation, and then proceeding on.)

The entire time, we are engaged physically, spiritually, and mentally, and it is mutual WORSHIP, and mutual surrender!

We’ve learned that the feminine can participate, or not participate as desired, because the energy dump that a man has, is not there for a woman. Our preferred method for the feminine is to give 3-5 during intercourse orgasms, and then to withhold from there forward. This decreases the sensitivity to a point that the peak of orgasm comes less frequently, and the peak/withhold can be enjoyed, while having an extended intercourse between peaks.

After a few times of this, knowing that I was going into sex with the goal of orgasm REMOVED, I had a mental switch that developed. It was “Okay, I’m not about orgasm for me. I’m about pleasure for her.” Once the switch was off, I had to reach in (mentally) and turn it back on, if I wanted to orgasm. This was AWESOME, because once the switch was thrown, I had the best time just rocking her world through her orgasm. My trigger was closed, mentally so it was full-bore rocking the boat while she was screaming in pleasure!

DOES IT FEEL AS GOOD?

BETTER ~ YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES!!! In fact, it is like being totally sensitized(We use Sex Butter, which totally sensitizes the shaft of the male, sensitizes the female inside and out, and is just amazing, tastes and smells good, and contains several natural anti-bacterial, health-positive, all-natural essential oils) What I’m talking in this article, though, is the feeling of staying at peak for hours without the let-down or energy drain.  I CAN GIVE HER MORE PLEASURE, WHICH IN TURN PLEASES ME.

Guys, let me ask you a question: What scenario would you pick:

  • You and your partner(s) go at it for under an hour (usually 30 minutes ~ tops), you orgasm, you think she/they orgasm(s), and you leave feeling “satisfied” (which equates to satisfied, but tired and drained of energy)

OR

  • You and your partner(s) go at it for 2+ hours (Depending on opportunity and tenacity),  she/they orgasm(s) as much as desired (or as much as able), you stay excited and at your peak the entire time, but do NOT orgasm, and when you stop, you’re ready for even more, but when you stop, you KNOW that your partner(s) has/have been manipulated sexually every way desirable, and you have left your partner(s) undoubtedly satisfied, and JUST IN CASE, you’re ready to give them more, if needed!

I prefer the last scenario…

And yes, I do orgasm, but only when I just feel like I am building up too much energy, and I have a special gift for the occasion.

Now before someone gets their mind in a twist and accuses me of thinking I have it all figured out, let me disclaim: I’m just telling you what works for me, and as long as everyone is happy, do what you want! It’s either about mind-blowing sex that pleases both parties regardless of the outcome, or it’s about just sex that pleases only one party.

Life is a pathway of learning allowance and love, and I am thankful to have seen this article. I have to admit, my eyes, through her article, are opened even further to the fact that COMMUNICATION is a required foundation for great sex.

And I’m thankful, being in open relationship, and on a path of sharing love and healing, that I know now to include questions about how things are felt, perceived, and what abilities may be different in sexual situations before proceeding to try and fit things in a “one-size-fits-most” set of methods.

Live your life. The world is your oyster. Go shuck it. Do so, however, with the utmost respect for those with whom you share the world. ❤

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