In the dance of sex, there is surrender and taking, there is dominance and submission, there is waiting, and there is active pursuance of orgasm or pleasure. One party pursues or dominates while the other waits or submits, and the roles are often switched.

While often pleasure is mutual, because of the joyful reward of seeing the pleasure on your partner’s face, and seeing their body react to your touch and voice and actions, there is a certain level of magick that occurs when one party is in frame to totally give to the other partner. This works both ways, and while I’m talking about heterosexuality, I would presume that this works the same way in homosexuality as well.


Let me acknowledge AND affirm that when two partners mutually pleasure each other, afterplay, or aftercare, is very important. Touching, caressing, holding, and affirming the other partner is akin to tying up the act of sex into a silk pillow, where it can rest protected, memorable, and safe, in the mind and psyche of the parties involved, until the next time this gift is opened and enjoyed.

As a student of sexuality, and a service provider of sexual coaching and touch, I’ve observed something that I believe needs to shift. Men are given a bit of shame for “being sleepy” after sex, or just rolling off going to sleep. Looking deeper reveals that more is happening. Yes, some guys just roll off and go to sleep. But a man can truly harness this space and use it to transmute negative energy into positive power, through the sexual bypassing of the sympathetic nervous system (Fight or flight, for a man). Instead of going into sleep, the man who wants to process his rage can do so in this safe space after his orgasm.

There is a magick dynamic in this event that I want to explore with you, in hopes that you see more than just what your eyes tell you.

When a man orgasms, as is the case with a woman, there is a multitude of hormonal/chemical activity that takes place in the body. (click for link explaining hormonal release)


Prolactin is a hormone that makes a man sleepy. I’ve observed, however, during my last 10-15 orgasms, that instead of sleep, peaceful and safe meditation can be entered into in this time.

I can’t speak for all men, but I’ve noticed that core real desire is to be at peace. While I often stay in adrenaline, I really am pursuing peace. The main place this peace – this unquestionable peace can occur, is just after orgasm.

Ironically, it’s also a VERY safe space to process out rage. Let me explain.


I always give “intent energy” when ejaculating, and I hold this frame throughout the orgasm. There was an orgasm recently, when I focused on processing the rage within me. The rage I held was from being control-programmed by society, rage for expectations that I’m incongruent with (such as being valued by the amount of money I can produce), and other rage that lies within each of us in varying forms and degrees.

When I focused on processing and releasing this rage, I told my partner I was going to zone out to process this, and would meet back up for afterplay in a bit. She agreed, and it was the best gift that she could have ever given me. Let me repeat that. IT WAS THE BEST GIFT SHE COULD HAVE EVER GIVEN ME.

Through the allowance of my partner, and my own self-allowance, I was able to go into a semi-dream state, in this hormone-heightened peace, and I was able to visit my anger in a way that was totally without (actual) harm to anyone, yet in full allowance for me to process it in a way that society would not allow. (I may have kicked someones ass in my mind, but it was only in my mind, and without actual harm to the mental recipient of said ass-kicking.)

The result was that my freedom from this rage started to happen. I exited that peaceful state, and re-engaged in afterplay for her, feeling about 65% lighter because of that processing I had just completed. I laid that much of the battle down, and was able to hold that as a memory where my rage and I came face to face, and I obliterated it, at least partially. Repeated sessions in this same manner increased the processing, and after a few times of diving into this post-ejaculation meditation, my peace with this former rage was palpable and distinct. I could taste, feel, breathe, and see peace everywhere.

HOW TO DO THIS:  The processing of your rage is done by diving into the deep, safe (No Fear) space that is YOURS immediately after masculine orgasm. Orgasm is about bypassing the sympathetic (fear based) nervous system, and moving into the parasympathetic (no fear) nervous system. No right, no wrong, exists in this space, and judgment is not present, so you can express and process this in a way that allows you to totally feel your feelings, express those feelings, and then walk away feeling better for having had the experience. THAT is powerful.

This (processing through my rage) all happened in my mind. I didn’t have to actually scream at anyone, touch anyone, or any other thing that happened in this dream state.

WOMEN: A woman who allows a man to travel into this place, by allowing him to immediately recede into a sleepy meditation, is a woman who is TRUSTED as a safe space for the warrior to lay down his head. This is where HEALING occurs.

And, in my mind,the effect of processing my rage was that I was (in my mind) heard by all those who I had been hesitant to engage. I had repainted my feelings, by expressing them. Now, I’m truly in a more powerful place, because I know how to process rage in a safe space. That safe space is in the prolactin dump that my ejaculation causes. The allowance to use this magick is totally dependent upon a partner who EMBRACES, rather than shames this mechanism.

Men get sleepy? No, men have an opportunity, with the right partner, to walk in magic. Then, afterplay can occur.

Explore the possibilities.