If I had to be honest, it’s all about me.

I read once where Eckhart Tolle said that almost every person you meet is living in abject terror. Of course that is probably a paraphrase, but it struck me as true.

I help people deal with fear. I’ve seen some pretty amazing results in the lives of those I help.

So, what makes me an expert, or at the very least, highly qualified?

I LIVE in fear. It’s not every moment of every day, but if I had to measure the approximate percentages, I’d say that 75% to 90% of the time I live in fear.

I was programmed in it. I was overmedicated. I was taken to the doctor for the least little thing, which sometimes turned into the big things. My parents were afraid all the time. The reason they controlled me is so I would embarrass them less. “Don’t talk about that outside of the family – We don’t need people knowing our business.”

I went to a Christian school, and I received more fear there. I was told that I was a sinner, and that I was automatically going to hell from the moment my head split out of a vagina, just because I was born in sin. If it felt good to my inner being, it was probably something that was going to send me to hell. That’s a broad brush, and my life has 25 coats of this kind of paint.

Then there’s the “government” and it’s pretty evident now that they’ll shoot you just to placate their egos, and by the way, FUCK due process…

I’m enraged, as I write this. Understand that anger is the most powerful catalyst for moving in or past fear. It’s called “fight or flight” for a reason. It’s my comfort zone, although it’s quite uncomfortable most of the time.

Yesterday, there were a myriad of reasons for me to freak out about things that were actually happening (not possible events, actual events).  Was I going to be stranded? Was I going to get jacked up by a cop for parking in the wrong place – because I am currently in such a position out of necessity, waiting for a mechanical weld to cure out on the radiator reservoir. (It was dark when I pulled in, and I stopped at the place I first felt comfortable about turning around with a towed car – I’m a virgin at towing, and this is the maiden voyage.)

And then last night, we had an issue arise that totally tested my ability to remain at peace. This issue, which I will keep on the private side of my life, resulted in me getting very little sleep and worrying about the outcome.

The straw that broke the camel’s back concerning me just laying this all out there, however. is that we have a noise, that we can’t quite figure out on the bus. I called a local large diesel shop, and they quoted me $160/hr labor charge to just take a ride and pass judgment. The guy on the phone took ten minutes of me asking this directly to get it out of him, and by that time, he was pissed, and I was pissed.

I’ve faced fears (piss-your-pants giants) that would make many people projectile vomit. I’ve come out of most every one of these smelling like a rose. And, as much counter-conditioning as I have done with fear, I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it. At this point, I’d settle for 50% fear, and 50% peace.

There is a balancer in this, however wonderful or awful that may be. I love my family, I love the people that I interface with, and I know that fear and love can’t co-exist. Sometimes, it’s just seconds or minutes at a time that love displaces the fear. Sometimes, I get hours at a time of knowing love and only love. These hours are rare. But, my goal, my aim is to find that place of peace, even if it’s at death’s door when all of this is “over.”

The shit piece of this is that I, through repeating *some* of my programming, have passed some of this fear onto my children. We’re walking a path that is pretty courageous, so hopefully, experience, and our love will empower them into a place of peace. This paragraph – just one more of my fears…

Love is what keeps me going. Well, that, and anger at the fear.

The Vaccine Injury Tipping Point.

I just saw a video by Penn and Teller about Vaccines on their “BULLSHIT” platform. They have two boxes that represent vaccinated people and unvaccinated people.

The vaccinated box has a plexiglass square in front of it that says “VACCINATION” on it. They then scoot the plexiglass to push one of the people out of the box, as to represent an autistic child due to vaccine injury.

The irony is that their logic (a) could be applied equally to two boxes containing vaccine manufacturers versus other manufacturers. Then on the plexiglass, NCVIA, a liability eliminating law that totally shields vaccine manufacturers from their products’ injurious results.

Other manufacturers are knocked down daily by gavels hurled in courtrooms across America, for damages cause by their product. But not vaccine manufacturers. They have “herd immunity” from lawsuits caused by their products.

The good news is that now, People are tired of the BULLSHIT that Penn and Teller don’t have the balls to present. The BULLSHIT I reference is of vaccines causing injury.

And now, doctors are starting to say “Enough!”

Here’s a blog post where a doctor does just that:


The tipping point is occurring. Then, we shall see where the true BULLSHIT remains.

See past the surface

The meeting occurred for only five minutes. It turned out to be a meeting of souls. I was in a seminar, and the most outrageous character walked in. Everyone was awed. I was intrigued. I usually hate what I see when reading past what an outward persona is projecting. This man, who had walked many miles of treacherous paths to get to our meeting, projected that he dare not be approached haphazardly. He was loud, appeared to be very offensive, although I found myself chuckling at his delivery of word magic.

What I saw, in that five minutes, only drew me into the connection irresistibly, was a soft and pure heart that hid behind this boisterous, and calculatedly incorrigible exterior.

At a later time, the two of us were sitting in a restaurant, and he made a paper rose out of a napkin, and gave it to our waitress. I don’t remember how it came out, but he revealed that his dad “beat him”, and at this instant, I saw a little boy sitting in front of me. The compassionate core of my being wanted to hold him and cry with him. But this man was without the ability to be in a space of vulnerability, least of all with me. I told him that I saw this side of him, and I think it shook him, but he didn’t approach similar ground of allowance to discuss it further, so I yielded to his choice.

I never lost the image. I allowed him to be loud, over-the-top, and even violently angry (without harming anyone, to my observance), and yet from that point on, I only saw that little boy that didn’t know unconditional love as a core gift. I gave it to him anyway, in my own way of allowance.

Water goes under the bridge. People arrive, and they leave our lives, and what is left behind is our experience. This man, my teacher, had and has a pure heart, surrounded with glued together and broken shell. (Perhaps just like you, the reader.) I am honored to have walked with him a mile or more.

Last night I dreamed a dream that he was in. It made me realize the value of having spent quality time with him. Most everything is a benefit, if it is observed to be.

How to do magic

I’ve led an interesting life. Four years ago, I had structured, and was managing assets for several professionals who wanted total privacy. One of them had intent to obtain a used Mercedes Benz, and I had put it into trust for him. He also didn’t want his name on the insurance policy.

One of my past experiences was to have a short-lived licensee status as a Property and Casualty (Automobile/Homeowners) insurance agent. I learned the basic rules and workarounds that made unusual situations smoother. I carried this information forward, even though I hated selling insurance almost as much as eating a sardine and banana sandwich.

North Carolina (where this occurred) has an insurance policy for underwriters to get an agreement signed before issuing a policy that is an agreement of the policy holder to inform the insurance underwriter of “any additional drivers” of the property being insured.

The beneficiary wanted total privacy, and didn’t want to be listed on the insurance either.

So, I set up the personal property trust, and structured it so that (a) the Trust and the Trustee (me, in this case) was authorized to purchase insurance for the property (vehicle) and add the trust as an additional named insured, and (b) I wrote a paragraph that eliminated and nullified any duty to notify the insurance underwriter of any additional drivers or anyone enjoying beneficial use of the property, any law or policy notwithstanding. I matched this with the confidentiality clause in the Trust, to ensure that I was bound to keep this beneficiary private, and yet my intent was to insure the property even though he would be an “unknown” driver on the policy.

In legalese, the term “driver” is fluid, and includes the Trust, because the Trust is an additional named insured on the policy. Further, it would follow that the Trust, and the parties to the trust are one and the same in this setting of insuring the vehicle to cover the Trust’s property, and the use of that property as authorized by the Trust.

The trust was signed, and when I set up insurance on the vehicle, I did so as Trustee of the trust. I added the Trust as an additional named insured on the policy. Then I signed the paperwork this way: “Principally and perpetually subject to the terms of ***** Trust, without waiver, by Trustee” and then I signed my name afterwards. The use of a disclaimer changes the terms of the signature. For more information, research “restricted endorsement”

The insurance company (underwriter) issued the policy, even after being given notice that the agreement was subject to the terms of the Trust, and they NEVER asked to see the trust. Their agreement couldn’t have been more evidenced.

Six months later, late one night, the beneficiary hit a deer and totaled the Mercedes-Benz. I got a copy of the police report emailed to me, and I (as Trustee) initiated an insurance claim on behalf of the Trust.

I had an adjuster call me and say “We are not going to cover this accident, because the person listed on the accident report is not a named driver on this policy.”

I told her “I’m going to send you a copy of the original paperwork I signed, and I’m going to paste in a provision from the Trust.” I sent her my copy of the original signed paperwork (so she would be clear that I had a record of the transaction, as effected) and then I pasted in the paragraph that eliminated any duty of the Trust to inform the underwriter of any beneficiary or additional drivers (users) of the property. I also reminded her that the Trustee (I) was a named insured, and the Trust was an additional named insured, and the claim had been initiated in the name of the Trust.

She called me back shortly and said “We’re going to cover this.” And, it was covered fully.

That, my dear reader, is the power of words, and a clear example of how to use them in a way much mightier than the sword.

I’ve told this story several times recently, so I wanted to put it in writing so that you could enjoy it also. From time to time, I’ve helped people use some unorthodox, but entirely legal methods to keep peaceful existence. This is one of those experiences.

The Difference Between “Oh” and “OMFG”…

The orgasm of a woman is tied to her central nervous system. If she accomplishes orgasm, she has to be able to go to a degree of what I call “no mind” space. (Zero Point energy, creative space, still mind, are all common replacements for this uninterrupted and free space.)

To achieve oneness with her body in a way that is truly mind-blowing is to go totally into no mind space, or totally out of her fucking mind. (OMFG) This means totally losing her fear of everything distracting.

If the following things are in play, there is almost zero chance that a woman can experience an “OMG” orgasm:

* The kids are If the kids are around, a concern, or there is a risk that they will become a concern
* Her partner is in a moody or self-absorbed space
* Her partner is focused only on their own pleasure
* Her partner is easily offended or defensive when discussion of how to please her comes up
* She is fearful of her partner’s perception of her body, reaction, or response
* She is angry at, or holds long term bitterness toward her partner for uncommunicated issues
* An overwhelming emotional issue is holding her captive (boss is threatening or sexually harassing, or other emotional prison, such as a former rape that hasn’t been fully processed mentally)

This is only a partial list. Plainly, anything that can cause a woman to be anxious, can keep her from going into the no-mind space. The sympathetic nervous system fear response of a woman is “tend and befriend”, (or I can – it is my duty to – fix this). When a woman believes that there is something that she has a duty to fix or “make okay”, it is highly probable that she will REMAIN in sympathetic nervous system fear response (tend and befriend) because this is programmed response. It’s automatic and involuntary.

The list above contains a lot of the reasons that women fake orgasms, because the alternative – talking to their partner – is usually not productive. The receiver is frustrated, and the giver will feel ego-challenged. So, it’s easier to fake it. (I’m neither judging, nor supporting that.)

So, how do you, as a woman get past this tend and befriend, and get to the parasympathetic place of “OMG” (out of your mind) orgasms? The path through or around fear must be taken. Going around fear leaves it in place, to haunt again, but going through it faces, acknowledges the fear, and then sees it fall away, to leave the door open to bliss.

For the trip through fear, I’m a tour guide.