Standard Parenting is really ugly. And, no matter how you slice this sandwich, it’s bullying. And the parents are punks. MY parents were punks. Okay, they didn’t know any better, but they were privy to the same information I’ve seen and observed, if they had wanted to avail themselves of that information. But they didn’t, so they’re not excused.
Anger flowed through my being. The same anger that has been there before, and surely will be again… It almost seems like I’m standing alone against mainstream society and the control paradigm that it perpetuates. Inevitably, another parent gets angry first. Then they react without being willing to talk it through, and that only leads to us having to step in and confront the situation.
The reason, in truth, is always the same. The freedom that we have given our children causes the other parent’s imprisoned child(ren) to realize that life is not what they have been forced to believe.
Perhaps children can get their own food to eat out of the refrigerator whenever they are actually hungry, instead of at a preset (controlled) time.
Perhaps children are powerful enough to make choices about their happiness, without the parent forcing them into a box of Hobson’s choice, that only ends up with the parent happy.
Perhaps the boxes that children have been placed in – of forced learning – could be replaced with fun learning, and even focus on what the child wants to learn instead of what the parent thinks is “important.”
Perhaps if the parent stopped violently forcing the child to do something, and actually took time to COMMUNICATE with the child with reasoning, and LISTENED to the child’s input, and found a happy medium, or allowed the child to have control of the choice…. just perhaps… the world would NOT come to an end… But that takes too damn long. So shut the fuck up and do what I say…
When a Standard Parented child sees that our children are pretty autonomous, and very healthy and happy, it causes cognitive dissonance in their being. They start to follow suit, or question their parent’s authority…
And when a child under Standard Parenting starts to wonder why their parents are such bullies, or question “why?”, the rage of the Standard Parent immediately emerges.
“HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!?!?!?”
STANDARD PARENTING actually embraces the idea that the child cannot even be TRUSTED to make decisions on a regular basis.
And this causes the parent much weeping and gnashing of teeth. They are losing control when this happens. And they have fought very hard to have control.
They call this control: RESPONSIBILITY
So any challenge to this control is a threat to their very sanity, because Standard Parenting’s sanity consists of:
- Leave me alone, and go do something else!
- Don’t eat too much of that, because we won’t have enough.
- I didn’t die, so you’re not god.
- I’m in charge. If you don’t like that, tough!
- You should be ashamed!
- If you want to express a different opinion, or feel differently, you’re selfish!
- If you want to be true to yourself, you’re selfish.
- You don’t have the right to express your opinion or question me.
- You’re a child, so you have no ability to understand this. (Although no attempt at healthy discussion and explanation is made. The child is stupid, you understand…)
- You have to do what I tell you, when I tell you to do it, or I’m going to punish you (read, use force and compulsion.)
- “Go to your room and think about that!” This tells a child that they deserve to be (a) alone, (b) unloved, and (c) ashamed. And instead of loving the child, the angry parent gets to go on about whatever bullshit “important” thing they were doing.
But the one that really made me see the worrisome psychosis and anger of a parent was this one. The child was told that they were a bully, and then the so-called “enlightened” parent told them:
- If you do that again, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week.
And the child he said this to was a sweet little girl that is just precious. We were sick that she and her siblings have to put up with this every day. (If you wonder if that made me want to engage the parent on a physical level, well, YES. I wanted to engage and repeat this to the parent. But, that’s what I’m against doing. Ugh.)
THINK ABOUT IT. Telling a child that they are a bully, and then threatening them with violence is doing the same thing that they are accusing the child of doing! Schizophrenic much?
Force is violence. If someone forces you to do something, at the threat of something adverse happening if you refuse, how does it make YOU feel? Well, a child feels even more confusion at the “I’m in charge because if you don’t agree, I’m going to punish you” paradigm.
Isn’t this what we are all working to OVERCOME now in our lives? What our parents foisted upon us?
I’ve seen people claim that because they bought the groceries, their children had to do what they said. They claimed this meant that they were the “responsible” party. The hypocrisy of this instant situation could not be more ironic.
It all boils down to this: Either children have the power of choice (the power of the divine), and can make choices, process the outcome, and make the same or better choices again, or, they need an “adult” to do all of their decision making for them. Said adult believes that the right of being an adult is to control children with violence.
I’ve heard the moniker “The smalls” was thrown about regularly. Sadly, when this was used, it defined value, as well as stature.
What makes someone continue the cycle of parental bullshit control? I would posit that it’s just blindness. Blindness to the fact that:
- We hated it when our parents made us feel less than”
- We never understood the concept of “being punished”
- We feared challenging the construct for fear of being punished more
- We were angry when punished
- The punishment threat/anger paradigm is reinforced every time that someone takes authority over us
- The Standard Parenting paradigm is simply “might equals right”.
Standard Parenting parents claim endlessly that it is about “what’s best for the children,” but in truth, it is really “what’s best for the parent.” Hypocrisy at its finest. It allows the parent to stay in their hypnotic trance of conforming to what everyone else does and not have to really engage with their children in love and learning.
A Standard Parenting parent recently came to my child, and threatened: “The next time I see you with food at the computer, you won’t use the computer again. Do you understand me?” My child had forgotten, and instead of working through it with her, or simply removing the food, the Standard Parenting parent wanted to power play her head. I told my daughter that this Standard Parenting parent was just a punk and to not mind her.
There is no love, just rules and power plays. Threats and angry tones. And this is supposed to be “responsibility.”
HERE IS THE BITTER TRUTH: ONE WHO MAKES A THREAT TO GAIN AN OUTCOME KNOWS THAT THEY ARE A PUNK. FEAR IS THEIR ONLY POWER.
Because they are so insecure inside, they only know how to get “their way” – which is for everyone around them to subjugate to them by THREATS, FEAR, INTIMIDATION.
A Standard Parenting mom sent me a message that said “There is no “I” in “TEAM”. No, the “I” is in “Individual”. And Individuals, in a healthy relationship, CONSENT for the good of the team. Coercion for the alleged good of the team is just religion. These children of Standard Parenting are forced to drop their individuality because the parents are narcissists and tyrants.
We were just in a scenario in which our children were in the same space as others for an extended period. The Standard Parenting parents started treating our children as if they were their subjects, and with disrespect. I confronted it. They ignored my concerns (concerning the way they were treating my children). Looking deep within, what really makes me angry about this entire scenario, is that as an adult, and in consideration of my own children, When I confronted the situation, I was not given the chance to be heard and have my opinion about my own children honored. It was their opinion that was “right”, and eliminated room for any other thoughts on the matter that would change things.
The Standard Parenting mother said : “Anger is an indication that something is disharmonious with a belief that you hold.” Yes, Anger is an indicator that one’s true inner desire is not being met. Anger rises when our core beliefs are compromised, and this is often because we feel forced to compromise those beliefs.
Their Standard Parenting belief (core desire) was and is control, which they label “responsibility”. My/our belief (core desire) is love. Love is allowance. Love is without fear, hate, control, or ownership. Allowance is love.
And that leaves me with two choices: (1) I have to exit, with my parenting style intact, or (2) get aggressively forceful, and the latter choice is really what I am against (and their entire paradigm) to begin with…
There would have been a day…
[The parents that most of this article refers to - based on our experiences when we were with them, when they found out I wrote and published this, tried blackmailing me. They were livid, of course, because I dared to stand up against their bullying. Then they told me that my strong-willed child (the one that would challenge their authority - gasp) was a "special needs" child. Indeed she is. My daughter has a need to know why those two would treat her in a bullying, demeaning manner. Still bullying...]